Stalker

Today's puzzler:

4 1/2 years ago I had a really bad stalker. He would break into my house while we were sleeping. We'd paw through everything in the living room, and occasionally things would disappear only to show up a few weeks later in places we had already checked. I lived outside a small hick town in county area, and the cops didn't care. They just said get better locks and a dog. We lost the stalker after a series of moves that happened rapidly (3 moves in 4 months). Now I'm still afraid of this guy finding me again. (And yes. I know it's me. He was around before my husband, and activity always increased when I had a boyfriend and got incredibly bad when I got married.) He did find me again after one move. I usually do okay ignoring my past, but we had to give up the dog a year ago because he hated our kids, and I'm still afraid of telling people from my past where I live, my last name, or anything they can use to connect me to where I am. I am in therapy, but there's alot of crap we're dealing with. (My therapist says there is so much trauma in my past that even she is is repressing it!) So how do I go about reclaiming my life and trusting again? Or even better determine for sure who it was so I can make sure it's past. I have an idea of who it might be, but no proof. And I'm freaking out because when he graduated last year he 'just happened' to take a job in the same TINY town in Oregon as my sister.

It seems like there are two problems here, one external and one internal, so let’s look at them separately.

Regarding the actual stalker, here’s a website that gives some specifics on stalker laws according to what state you’re in. It might also be worth a trip to the police station to talk to someone about what you can legally do to minimize your risk. Beyond “better locks,” you can also have an alarm system installed that will alert the police if anyone breaks in. Also, the dog you had might not like the children, but I’m sure you could find one that would work out better.

I suppose you could also go more on the offensive and find out as much as you can about the person you think is guilty. That would allow you to keep tabs on him. It’s the old “keep your friends close and your enemies closer” saying. If you can figure out who it is for sure, there may be some legal action you could take.

Many communities offer self-defense classes specifically for women. That might help you regain a little confidence.

As far as your personal peace of mind, more information will probably help you somewhat. Continued therapy will also probably help, and once some of the medical issues you have been dealing with are taken care of, that will decrease your stress level too. So, psychologically, I suppose it’s mostly a matter of enduring it, because it will probably get better.